seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
