i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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