Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
