so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We got so high we made milksteak
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's never too late to be topless.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
