I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
