At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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