In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
