so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
