guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
