just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
