Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
