Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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