Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize