How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
