Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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