Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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