Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
