My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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