yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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