i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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