these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
