Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
