In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize