You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
