He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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