we're chasing vodka with high fives
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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