Whod you bang
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
