Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
