He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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