dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
