It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
