remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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