You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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