jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
