he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
