Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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