hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
