My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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