I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
