Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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