What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
