did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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