is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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