I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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