he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
