I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
