oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
