So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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