u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
