Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
