i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
