I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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