I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
