I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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