I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
