I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
