So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
