Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want nice things and good sex
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
