I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize