I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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