Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
