i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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