Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it because I queefed?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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