i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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