it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Vodka?
Forever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
