my vag is so smooth its legendary
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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