when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
