she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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