you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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