Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
