I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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