someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
