belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
