can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
