That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Randomize
