Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm like, not good at living.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
