i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You made out with two different species that night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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