I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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