she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
