i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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