Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
