If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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