Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Never joke about your clitoris.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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