My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't deserve a penis
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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