i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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