is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A+ Viking dick
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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