never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
