I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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