ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
