I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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