Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
