i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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