Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize