Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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