i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
