SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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