Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
